At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
