these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
