my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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