i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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