i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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