just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
