sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
