we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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