the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
