I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
