If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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