i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
