The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Terrible idea I love it
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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