I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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