like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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