I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize