Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
