I'm laying in your front yard are you home
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
