That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
