White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
