I can text with my tongue
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
