If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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