Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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