he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize