You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
