He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
