You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
