someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
