I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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