dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
there is glitter all over my balls
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
