The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
