Where did you get a picture of my penis
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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