She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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