You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
