I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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