Can Purell be used as lube?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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