Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
