I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
it glows. i had to have it.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i now understand why vodka
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
