I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize