its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Still dying that you shit outside
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
