True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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