So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
