Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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