I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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