I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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