i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
