No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
