the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
