The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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