So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
