I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I supernannyed him into submission
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
