someone get that fucking seahorse.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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