I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
