Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
