Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
