Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
