somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
