My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
