walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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