ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
no you cant smoke seaweed
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
