matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Randomize
