after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
