He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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