Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
