I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
