ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
