sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
