Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
