Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
