It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
