my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
