Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
