he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
