I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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