it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
