Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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