just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
