Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he shaved USA in his pubs
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
