GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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